Dr. David Martin on authentic spiritual work

Making Peace with the Shadow

“…authentic spiritual work must begin with the shadow and never leave the shadow behind and out of sight. It’s the doorway in."
Murray Stein, Ph.D.[1]

It seems to me that spiritual caregivers would do well to consider Stein’s exhortation above. There is a shadow lurking in each of us. Shadow work would heighten our effectiveness with those in our care.

One shadow within us is the specter of our own powerlessness.

I feel this most strongly when I travel to nursing homes and attempt a connection with someone who is dependant on others for the normal activities of daily living (ADL’s). This rather antiseptic description disguises the raw nature of powerlessness due to failing physical and mental capabilities.

Let’s face it. There is scarcely anything as disturbing as depending on another person to clean your backside after soiling your adult-sized diaper. This cleaning could potentially take place hours after elimination, but there you lay, waiting on people who may, (or may not), treat you with dignity, compassion, and respect.

Physical dependence is only one aspect of this powerlessness. My patients often express to me that they can deal with the physical indignities, if only their mind remains intact. Personally, I am not so sure. Falling prey to Alzheimer’s in the midst of physical dependence wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing for me. Having acknowledged this, however, I recognize that my fears are not universal.

The recent movie, Away From Her, powerfully depicts the horror one husband feels as his wife slips away into the nether world of Alzheimer’s disease. The film explores the relational trauma of having a loved one’s body intact, and present, while the relationship is transformed from intimacy to forcible loss. The confusion and pain of the healthy spouse is palatable. He struggles to find his way through the shadow, seeking sanity for his own life, while his wife’s sanity disappears. Watching the movie in clinical training would be an excellent starting point for spiritual caregivers to explore the shadow of powerlessness. Additionally, spiritual caregivers might consider revisiting their fears on a regular basis as a contemplative exercise.

Shadow exploration can lead to an understanding of our discomfort around those who are dependant for ADL’s. Questions can be posed that draw out the spiritual caregiver, whether in a group, or individually, “Can I envision myself in this condition? What sources of strength will I draw on to cope with such shadow and helplessness? Can I affirm that my intrinsic worth is not bound to my health or circumstances, but is indeed instilled by the Creator, thereby immutable?”

These are challenging questions, and I am not at all certain they can be fully explored until one arrives at the point of total physical dependency. Yet, considering these questions is healthy spiritual work. Engaging the shadow could help us to be more at ease with the fears with which our patients wrestle, and with which we may, some day, face as an urgent reality.

Footnote:
[1] Discussing Jung in an interview by Robert S. Henderson, D.Min., Journal of Pastoral Care and Counseling, Vol. 61, No. 4, Winter 2007.

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